6 Jokes About Employees You Wish You Did Not Hire
(+ How You Can Avoid Hiring Such Creeps)by Michael Mercer, Ph.D.
Every manager and owner hired some employees they wish they never hired. To make light of – and also put light on – hiring losers, I now give you a special gift:
a. Jokes – about types of employees you wish you never hired
b. Solutions: Methods you can use – so you avoid hiring such creeps
Solutions include pre-employment tests, special interview tips and more to help you stop putting lousy employees on your company’s payroll.
Joke #1 = Some employees are so lazy . . . even if they have a work-from-home job, they still get to work late.
Solution: Use a pre-employment test that measures Work Ethic. If an applicant scores low on the test’s Work Ethic scale, then you need to find someone with more gumption and industriousness.
Joke #2 = Some employees are so stupid . . . when they find out they can apply for other jobs online, they ask, “Where does the line start?»
Admit it: You hired some employees who have the IQ of tire pressure.
You create expensive problems when you hire employees who are not smart enough for the job. They find it hard or impossible to (a) learn the job and (2) correctly solve problems encountered on-the-job.
Solution: Pre-employment tests of mental abilities or cognitive aptitudes help you hire people who are smart enough to learn and do a job. Aptitude tests help you measure brainpower abilities, such as
- Handling Small Details
Importantly, you need to determine specific “benchmark scores” you need for each job. You do this by conducting a “benchmarking study.” Have your best employees take the intelligence-type tests. From that, you discover the test scores they get. Then, you can prefer hiring applicants who get pre-hire test scores similar to your best employees.
NASTY & MEAN
Joke #3 = Some employees are so mean . . . they would make monks curse.
Solution: A personality test that forecasts behavior on-the-job can help you avoid hiring nasty, wicked people. Mean people may get horribly high scores on certain employment test scales:
- Power Motivation
So, if an applicant gets high scores on those pre-employment test scales, you may want to find a better, nicer applicant.
Joke #4 = Some employees are such criminals . . . they ask you to call them by their nickname, which is two letters: “JL.»
Solution: A pre-employment test forecasting potential criminal behavior helps you avoid hiring unsavory characters. Using a dependability pre-employment test, beware when you test an applicant, and the applicant gets “high-risk” or bad scores on these two test scales:
- Theft/Stealing concerns
- Substance Abuse concerns
For example, one pre-employment test I researched and created has those two scales, along with three other scales. To research and develop the Theft/Stealing scale, hundreds of prisoners locked-up in jails – convicted of stealing crimes – filled-out my research questionnaires. For the test’s Substance Abuse scale, hundreds of people convicted of DUI and/or drug possession answered my research questionnaires. Also, for comparison groups, I had hundreds of non-thieves and non-substance abusers also answer my research questionnaires.
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